Hello there...

Hearing good things about ninja assassin. We should go? YES! Excellent! Decided!

marckymarc:

cpitchit:

lordsaix:

For you I give ALL of my love. Like, so much love. Like if there was a wall, and I ran at it, I would never hit it. We would never hit it. Because our love would keep us from hitting it. Because our love is long and strong, and can break down walls. It also can bruise balls. But that is a tale for another day.

So if the wall was made of diamonds, then us and our love would be made of Dragonforce, the only metal hard enough to break diamonds?

but walls is made of me D’:

Sorry mate. But nipples as hard as diamonds accompany our love, and they will stick out as far as our flaming ram rod of a disco stick. And we all know that the immense force behind such a small point will pierce the strongest of barriers! Fine it’ll bust down barriers.

For you I give ALL of my love. Like, so much love. Like if there was a wall, and I ran at it, I would never hit it. We would never hit it. Because our love would keep us from hitting it. Because our love is long and strong, and can break down walls. It also can bruise balls. But that is a tale for another day.

mansir:

lordsaix:

RAWR BITCHES!! I AM
A TIGER AND WILL FUCK YOUR

REFRIGERATOR!!!!!!!!!!

Listen, man. That’s just rude. Cmon.

It’s a Haiku.

Day 47

Seems all’s not well in paradise. Dr. Bob thinks he’s gonna have to cut a bitch. 1st officer Barbie has been bitching ever since we embarked on our journey. No one really cared at first because she would mostly bitch to herself. Now however, she suddenly thinks other people want to hear her bitch. Keeps insisting it’s “unethical to inject people with untested compounds while they sleep.” What a bore.

Day 23

Discovered a time machine. Went back to warn self that the needles were contaminated.

Day 48

Prevented mass outbreak by using time machine. Have to find new use for anti inflammatory cream……Maybe inject it into the crew while they sleep?

Dar 49

Got the crew hooked on the cream. Dr. Bob made word vomit but I managed to get out that they were dependent on the shit and very “libidinous”, whatever the hell that means.

Day 50

Looked up libidinous. Interesting shit. On a completely unrelated note Barbie Bitch is getting worse and worse, to the point that something needs be done….

Day 51

Gave Barbie to the slaves. Video taped for later “private enjoyment”

Day 22

Used the time machine again. Forgot Barbie was an excellent leader and teacher. Slave ship erotica in warp space will have to be postponed…..

Day 18

Got bored with the future. Decided I’d go several weeks back and hide all the TV remotes.

Day 57

Returned to HELLISH future. The ship was in chaos. Dr. Bob was waging war along with his techies against the janitors. Apparently tensions flared when it was realized the ship’s TVs were all stuck on paid programming. Retrieving the remotes from hiding I was hailed as the god I am. Think it’s finally time to deal with Barbie…

Day 1

Barbie bitch crashed the time machine in an attempt to overthrow me. Find myself stuck back at the beginning. At least I’ll know who’s legal age this time around. Or rather I know when I won’t be interrupted :D?

RAWR BITCHES!! I AM
A TIGER AND WILL FUCK YOUR

REFRIGERATOR!!!!!!!!!!

Time Travel To-Do list…

1. World Domination Travel way back in time with modern weaponry and establish myself as a god on earth with every major civilization before they rise to prominence. Visit every 10 years or so to collect offerings and blow shit up to prove my godliness. That might be too much work though, and those damn atheists will end up pissing in my cheerios. Using knowledge to weasel into power and then bolstering said power with advanced weaponry and conduct is another way. I’d probably use a mixture of both. Either way, I have a time machine so shit will get done.

2. Money As God, people will happily part from their valuables if only to put a smile on my face. Now, being a petty crook is uncool. Robing some poor, ignorant, and scared people is uncool. But robbing everybody of everything that has EVER existed is just…immense. Imagine not simply having all the pudding in existence, but all the pudding that ever was, and all the pudding that will ever be. That’s a shit load of pudding. It’s the kind of thing I’d do, simply because it must be done. And hell, as master of time I can always make it so it never even happened….

3. Player for all ages The beauties of ages pass will be hot once more, not rotting in unmarked graves! Time travel is the ultimate loaded hand, the ultimate advantage! Damsels in distress that are meant to experience terrible fates need not perish as god(?) intends. Crazy dude is going to kill his hot daughter in some by gone era? Save her and see if she doesn’t want to give a hero’s reward! What’s more, you get her preggers and it’s away into ye old time machine for a quick trip to not where there’s a baby! You think that’s all, but wait, there’s more! Spent too much time in France (any era)? Travel to the far future and have that nasty flesh eating virus removed!

4. I was there! Go to THAT place as THAT was happening! Nuclear explosions, natural disasters, Yoko Ono; you name an event of suffering or great upheaval and it can be witnessed or even participated in. (Insert I was a centurion at the crucifixion joke here!) Culture and more wholesome things could be visited too. I guess.

5. Sleep More sleep.

6. I didn’t mean to land my Time Machine in this girl’s locker room/bathroom/open air hot spring Nope. I actually did.

Ah. Years of high school and middle school strove to teach us that procrastination was bad. Waiting till the night before when you had a months notice was every student’s constant bane (save myself. By putting it off till the morning of, I was able to mask the pain with adrenaline :D). Our teachers tried so hard to inspire us to get shit done in a timely manner, urging us to complete our assignments in the least painful way possible. So much effort into such a noble endeavor.

Listening to all the pissing and moaning around me now, I can proudly say we haven’t learned Jack shit (perhaps you walk a more enlightened path, dear reader). Anyways, my roommate was once again bent over his desk at 2 AM, groaning about lack of sleep and unfinished physics homework. (This is where I, a liberal arts major, laugh at all the math heavy and, well, real learning that goes on else where in the world.) It was here that my roommate wished aloud, sighing of how the world would be, if he only possessed a time machine.

At first I was very sympathetic to him. Quite understandable. Who hasn’t wished for a solution that could only be brought about by ignoring reality? But I was quickly shocked by my roomies’ audacity! His only thought was for a few more hours of shut eye, a few more hours to study! Which I must admit in retrospect are much sought after things.

But does Doctor Who ever have to stop in to class? (If that happened in an episode don’t tell me. Or do.) Has their ever been an episode of him napping? (Him regenerating at the start of the second(?) season doesn’t count, dear reader, and whenever he was napping it was an action packed nap…even if he was just tired)

So then, my creative juices boiling, I began to think. What would I do with a time machine…..

Any ole time machine is nice, but it’d be a helluva bore if one couldn’t move through space as well. So for this trip into the mind I’ll be borrowing the Tartarus. (Gasps all around) Oh and for convenience sake I’ll stay on Earth.